Stories of Sunglasses Past

Every time I lose a pair of sunglasses I get pretty upset. I work hard to find the right pair. My ears are weirdly placed so the straight part of the ear piece ends up sitting on my ears instead of the curved part, and after a while the top of the back of my ears hurt. Claire’s seemed to be the only place I could find the perfect fit. I think it’s because they make accessories for the tiniest of teens. The other day I went there for a new pair. My only options were neon white, black with splashes of neon or those ones without lens that Kanye West thinks are still cool. I felt silly and decided I would never walk into a Claire’s again.

These two pairs are from when they had a creative team of designers.

The green pair I remember taking out to clean after I spilled caramel popcorn inside my bag and a ghost took them. The other pair I tried losing in Budapest. Earlier that day someone pointed out that what I thought had been apples were actually cherries and I immediately wanted to get rid of them. I dislike things with cherries because 1) I don’t like cherries all that much, 2) girls have been brainwashed to believe they are the epitome of sexy fruits. Cherries have become the female equivalent of hanging dice from your rear view mirror. I officially lost those last year when I moved.  

I was really devastated when I lost a different pair. To be honest, I didn’t even lose them. I left them at my neighborhood Walgreens when this lady I was interning for wanted to run in to see a spread in Seventeen her friend’s daughter was modeling in. I realized the moment we drove away I left them sitting by the rack. 

I was am terribly afraid of asking for something that will make people feel as if they are going out of their way to do. This anxiety-induced fear has led me sit on many broken chairs at restaurants. But I can confidently say I have never had anyone spit in my food.  

Anyway, I felt it would be too much to ask she immediately turn around so I could retrieve my Vans shades. Besides, it’s not like they were a souvenir from the best summer/birthday of my life.  

My mom took me shopping there a few days later. Yeah, I enjoy spending quality time with my mom at local drug stores. Say what you want, they always have the best deals on nail polish. As we were checking out I debated whether or not to ask the cashier if they were ever turned in. For fear of having the cashier hate me forever, I didn’t ask and my sunglasses sat in the Lost and Found bin until the new stock boy stole them. 

Here I am, sporting those Vans shades, with the lead singer of Madina Lake at Warped Tour 2011.

I am currently on the hunt for a great pair. Also, I refuse to buy designer sunglasses until I have a job where I could easily afford a new pair since I tend to lose things in the classiest of ways.